desperate

Talking about desperate, I can feel it, and I was watching desperate housewives these days. So desperate and want to kill myself too, if I was in that case. Life is just so devastating, and everything seems so hard to change. I don't know when these meaningless days gonna end in the first place. I cannot picture myself in the future, like what I will end up with. The bad thing is, I don't really hope for something, it seems everything's turned out to be as bad as I feared. For so many years, I'm on my own, no one is there for me. I think I can handle all these, but sometimes I don't. Friends come and go, and parents, let's just say I feel disconnected even more. (Thank god they cannot read English, sometimes I think I should learn French,German, Japanese or something) When I was at school, they want me to do this, to do that, and they can be so persuasive. Now, since I'm working, there are only two things in their mind, first, get married, second, get another job, that's all they talk about. I know the truth though, even appearances look so important they're still not powerful enough to grow me a husband, throw me an ideal job as they want, I'm on my own and I aways will be, I get that when I was at college. I'm here because I wanted to, I made the decision even my parents were so against it, I remembered the night they yelled at me for getting this job so clear. Whatever happened, I think I should just get tougher and move on. So this is my life, deal with it! Even we're desperate, we will find our ways to survive, that we always do.